Swiping With Intention
(Article reposted with permission from Heartalytics)
In two years of matchmaking experience, one client in particular stands out as having changed my life.
Jane was in her early 30s in NYC. She had the same background as most Tawkify clients — she was successful, confident, well-traveled, kind and attractive. Just one problem...
She couldn’t find a quality date to save her life.
In just a few months of using dating apps, she had already been repeatedly stood up, ghosted, and rattled by a slew of weird and creepy messages.
Obviously, this is not what anyone hopes for when putting themselves out there to date. But as you all know, it’s what many experience when dating on their own. And it sucks!
For singles of all demographics (and especially for millennial women, I would argue) dating on apps is typically a routine process. You download the apps available and swipe for hours with minimal success. The average user logs in 11 times a day, and spends an average 8 minutes on the app each session. That’s 90 minutes a day!
Eventually, the process wears you down for one reason or another — whether it be lackluster dates, being ghosted, gross messages, or a combination of all three — and you delete them all! The cycle continues like this for most of my clients, and it was the same for Jane.
The beginning of the matchmaking experience with Jane was not at all flawless.
I found men who fit her preferences and priorities exactly as she had described them, but something wasn’t adding up.
Two dates into her package, we were both frustrated. For some reason, our approach was not yielding the type of person with whom she clicked - even though the candidates aligned perfectly on-paper.
It's my job to ease the dating pain, so I decided to try something different. On our check-in and feedback calls, we intentionally examined each of her preferences:
Treating the process with more heart and fewer checkboxes.
We dove deep into her feelings and anxieties before, during and after each date. This renewed approach gave her clarity, confidence and a new sense of authority over her awesome dating self.
Editor side note: "A great Matchmaker is persistent, accountable, communicative, compassionate, nurturing, creative, and thrives under pressure." Julia Armet, Tawkify Director of Operations
In our last few months working together, some dates were good, some just so-so. But with our intentional check-ins, each date became purposeful, moving towards something greater.
At the beginning of all this, Jane shared that she wanted to try full service matchmaking to find quality dates — and naturally, to also meet a long term partner. And while every client has their own unique relationship goals, what Julie ended up getting at the end of her experience was total dating transformation — and a framework to move forward with more confidence and success, without me to guide her.
In our last phone call, Jane said, “You know, Lily, I haven’t met my soulmate in these past three months, but I have learned to trust my gut on dates for the first time in my life. I know how to trust what I want and how to get it. And that has changed the quality of dates I’ve found online and in-person outside of this experience. I feel like my dating life is exploding with great things now!”
I was overwhelmed. And I felt incredibly fortunate to have been a part of Jane’s journey. Most of all, I saw potential to share this experience and knowledge with more who could majorly benefit — which brought about the birth of Brazen, a company focused on empowering women to create dating experiences that leave them feeling energized, confident, possible and powerful.
In the past five years, the landscape of online dating has completely changed. There is more access and opportunity than ever to meet someone outside of your social circle. With that unlimited access to everyone (and everyone’s cousin), also brings unlimited headaches, hence the download, delete, download, delete phenomenon.
What I’ve found in my qualitative research over the years, is that when we treat swiping similar to the matchmaking process — with heart, intention, care and clarity — it completely changes the quality of dates that people experience.
I have seen how investing the time to investigate, verbalize and strategize around your swiping patterns, personality and preferences leads to more quality dates and ultimate success. Because when you swipe with intention, dates aren’t just random highs and lows. They are your constellation! In other words, they are your guide to make every date worth your time.
Leave a comment to share how you swipe with intention! And subscribe to the Brazen Blog for more tools, tips and updates to make your dating life even more awesome.